Add English on-screen subtitles for videos. Thats what Ive noticed. Im a human being. He said: Well, I mean, your life has changed so much. And Isaid: I know but I still think Imrelatable. And anyway, just then, Batu,my butler, stepped into the library and He announced that my breakfast was readyand I [crowd laughs] I said: Well continue this conversation another time. So I started writing what it would belike to have a phone call with God to find out why fleas are here. [crowd laughs] [claps] Youll notice the difference in as littleas 48 hours. ELLEN DEGENERES: THE BEGINNING (2000) - Full Transcript January 10, 2018 talks about everything from the world of insects to mundane shampoo bottle directions to being caught by the highway patrol wearing nothing but a leather harness, captain's hat & paddle on the road. I'm bringing back some classic punchlines this week. The next year she received two Emmy Award nominations for her stand-up comedy special Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now. Im trying to do What he do, with raise the roof? -How long youve been doing it? Its And it was raining for a long time before we got there like a month before we got there and so it was really muddy and theres like stinging thistles and all kinds of brush everywhere that youve got somebody hacking away with a machete and youre trying to get through and sometimes you had to crawl this far under, were sinking in the mud like, to our knees and three hours up the mountain at some point, I was like, to me [crowd laughs] [claps] If I have to do that, thats good. Thats But, like toothpaste I will use everysingle bit of toothpaste in that tube. I know I am, but Im a human being and Ihave bad days and Im intraffic like you, I drive but I cant dothe things you do because Im the be-kindgirl. I pulled a muscle putting on a sports bra and Those are too tight, they are too tight. The "Ellen DeGeneres Show" is currently in its 18th season and will end after Season 19. Id like someonealready in there before I get in therewaiting. This is This is a true story. Ellen DeGeneres Show DJ tWitch 'dies by suicide' aged 40 News Ellen DeGeneres speaks out following death of DJ tWitch UK I loved him with all my heart: Ellen DeGeneres remembers Stephen. Is she gonna be OK? Put that in perspective. I mean, the fact that he has that, you know, title of sliced bread. And I wantedto understand this. DeGeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003. She And she has no memory either. -Yes, but I got one in the hand and thats worth two in the bush. DeGeneres says allegations of a toxic work environment on . [claps] And then when youre sweaty, trying totake them off Its like Ive never taken one off. No, deathly allergic. With topics ranging from tight rompers to ugly bras to why every man needs a box spring, Iliza remains the hilarious, affecting voice of her generation. It was really, really special. But since Im home and youre home, I thought I could say a few words to all the years graduates, and put your caps and gowns on if you have them nearby. Its really working out for me now. Again! Im gonna see what that is, right there,with that because I have to see this and No, I know youre next to me but youre still wrong, even though you caught up. Ive never been back there. "I learned. But the fine dining. [message sent noise] [crowd laughs] She sent me this. But thedifference is, when you do somethingstupid youre just a person someone saw doing something stupid. And I had something that was pretty significant that happened to me and I didnt even know I was struggling with coming out. Ellen's show experienced a hiatus from mid-December 2020 to mid-January 2021. Ellen DeGeneres should have considered laying off the jokes. Theres a womanwith a ferret theres a man with a mongoose, theres a lady with a donkey. Its amazing, we were poor cause we never had medicine. I was also told that today is Chicken Appreciation Day. They didnt let her on, thank God, but Imean, not that she doesnt need it. I love being vegan. tWitch: (08:24) It does get better. You have no idea. They dont know who he is. And my dad put me onhis shoulders to get a better look at him cause you know how four-year-olds loveCharlton Heston. Oh. I cant No. "The truth is, I always trust my . And for you? Beads in a big floppy hat. Buenas tardes, estudiantes. I had a dream that I was holding a baby finch, like a little precious bird and it was my pet and I put it back in its cage which was this beautiful multi-tiered bamboo cage and the bird became me, when it went into the cage and all of a sudden it realized that it was up against the window all alone, and the window was open and the bars were wide enough for the bird to fly out. Did someone have a bird in the hand and said: Theres two in the bush. "What a beautiful, beautiful journey that we have been on together," DeGeneres told the crowd. Happy birthday DeGeneres became my favorite comic within one hour of Back that ass up Hey, Ive got a joke for you. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and the longest distance between two points is the ladies room at a WNBA game. In 2008, she married her longtime girlfriend Portia de Rossi. Shouldnt be a problem. The most accurate AI-powered transcription on the market. We stand up. Translated on-screen subtitles for videos. I dont know why they insist on doing it. One, two a day. But that's exactly where she found herself in 1997 when she broke out of the professional closet she'd inhabited since becoming a standup comic. Yeah, but I got one in the hand so -But theres two in the bush. Garrett, who appears to have since deleted the tweet in question, appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show six times between 2004 and 2007. [ Gillian comes out ] Gillian: I can't believe I have to come on a talk show to see you anymore. Ellen: Yeah, how's the tour going? And Im gonna do that with my finger for a while because, I dont wanna judge. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Want to walk it like a dog, yeah When were on an island, they dont know we dont wear white linen all the time. I said: Well, they werent watchingme at night. I was talking to this woman and shewas telling me about her kids recital orsomething. I had fame, I had money, I had everything that I thought that was important. Ill tell you. And it had been the whole time. Your email address will not be published. 02:52 PM - 12 May . Ellen Lee DeGeneres (born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, and producer. This made her the first openly lesbian actress to play an openly lesbian character on television. Section 107, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. OK You know what words not in there? Read the full transcript of her commencement speech here. They just put the room in the air. FOX Image Collection via Getty Images. ELLEN DEGENERES ENDING TALK SHOW IN 2022 AFTER YEAR OF BRUTAL HEADLINES The conversation between the two continued with several more awkward moments, including Johnson admitting she was. Finesse and nanno with some counterfeits These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. I split my knee open and my bone wasexposed. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up I have a good job. Like were holding on to things that we dont need to hold on to that we should let go of. Youre vegan? Speech-to-Text API for pre-recorded audio, powered by the worlds leading speech recognition engine. In Rwanda, so So we went to Rwanda for my birthday this summer to go see the mountain gorillas and see the the site where were building my campus, and it was unbelievable. Good afternoon, students. Andy Lassner: (00:50) -Thats how we do it, dont know. Im not really vegan, I say it for the joke. Complete biography of Ellen DeGeneres . That was my first voice I had and Sinbad dressed me for that, by the way. A famously awkward interview clip of actress Dakota Johnson calling out TV host Ellen Degeneres resurfaced on Wednesday as fans joke that Johnson caused the show's demise. Thats good good advice. They dont even Theyve done some gardening, theyve gone on a picnic theyre on the lake in a boat, theyve gone to get ice cream. Oh my God, it was so hard but It is so worth it cause when you get there and you see this thing five feet away from you So majestic, so beautiful. I dont know, I just guessed. 2021 Scraps from the Loft. [crowd laughs] -Why? Makes sense now. One photo shows David sitting in a chair leaning on his white Gibson guitar, while Iman is laid back on a bed* We didnt have a six but we hada nine and a half. And [crowd laughs and claps] We try on everything that were gonnaput on our body except for socks, I realize. Some of these restaurants they have thewaiters that I get so much anxiety from the waiters that refuse to take yourorders and write it down. Its your hand. I have a lot of ladders I have a six-foot, I have an eight-foot I have the extension, the 20-foot aluminum. You know what I mean You know what I mean, yeah. -Yes one in the hand is worth two in the bush. Why do you call it the hand? Because players are gonna to play, play, play, play, play. I mean, whenever youre closeted, youre always thinking about it. I thought either this is gonna be the worst joke Ive ever written or the best. they dont know what to do. There were fleas everywhere. The guest list for the final show. I mean all throughout history, no one sliced it? I thought about that too,on the side Good night. If I see theyre not gonna write itdown. Make a n i g g a want to grab that, autograph that Hum. Heres a little bit of what I know. As she told Parade, her parents were devout Christian Scientists, explaining she "grew up in a very conservative home." Her childhood, she admitted, wasn't easy, especially after her parents divorced when she was 13. There was a woman in there and there wasa hair brush and some mints by the way,whos using that hairbrush? Thank you. I was working out like six days a week and then I had a sports injury. But it was the best part of my journey. -No, not at all. You can tell its May because people are wearing floral print face masks. But they are so, the thingis if you have a sock that you like, everybody has their favorite socks and you will wear those socks as long as youpossibly can. Hoe, who is you playin wit? Theres a teacher I want to give a special shout out to. I think we both hit our heads. Thank you. The one thing people get really upset about is when they find out Im vegan. We dont care. Its down the hall pass the Medal of Freedom, pass the Emmys pass the Peoples Choice Awards past the Kids Choice Awards, the Teens Choice Awards the Mark Twain Prize, the Peabody. And thats when you grow and thats what we all want. Its just gotten out of hand. Yeah. Her character, Ellen Morgan, also came out to a therapist played by Winfrey, and the series went on to explore various LGBT issues, including the coming-out process. But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. There are a lot of children that it would impact a lot of kids would be helped by that, you know, and [crowd cheers and clap] Its not just actorsand actresses. to me. Excellent choice. I hate when they say excellent choice right after me. These are good. Trees have leaves. And, so when I was offered this talk show I was really excited about it, but they were trying to sell the talk show and a lot of people didnt wanna buy it because no one thought theyd watch. On Thursday, the comedian said goodbye to her long-running self-titled talk show after 19 seasons of (more than 4,000 . Thats what they should be doing. They were vaping and And they were like: Its Ellen,oh my God, its Ellen. And Im like [crowd laughs] and then I realized I pulled up, and the gaspump was over here and my tank was back here, on this side ofthe car. Jesus broke bread. Last January, when I first heard that Ellen DeGeneres wanted to be an O cover girl, I was sure it was a joke. That is definitely I lost my sitcom whenI came out and Its not like nobodywarned me. He had only a dollar. Ill take my black American Express card and Ill just squeeze it. Every single thing, he remembered. That was a religion we were. [crowd laughs] How did you get in here, anyway?" Yeah . 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